There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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