I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
