hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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