So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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