"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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