..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
