Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
