This is not my ceiling
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
