I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
