you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
