hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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