I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
