well you can't waste a boner
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
