after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
