I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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