This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
