The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
