what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
