Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
