I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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