Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
