How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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