Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
