Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
