epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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