just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
