If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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