how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
