I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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