its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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