yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
