Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
