sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
