I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
