I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
