She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
