Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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