i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
