i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
