Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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