I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
