Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
