Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
