Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
