Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
