God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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