Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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