Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
