I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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