my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sext me about skeletons
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
