I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
