Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
