yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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