she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
