It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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