i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
