I got chris browned last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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